The song, Here Comes the Sun, by the Beatles has become so special to me in the past few years. Right about the time Lucie was coming home from the hospital, Rob and I heard this song, and immediately thought of her. It really captured the sentiment of the few months that she was in the hospital which were so hard and took place in the winter and the excitement of her coming home in the spring!
On April 8th, Lucie’s ordinal due date, we celebrated her homecoming day, or as we call it, “Lucie Day”. We visited some of the nurses in the NICU and went to brunch afterward. We couldn’t help but reflect on the last three years, sometimes wishing that things would have been different and easier, and more typical and less scary. Through the experience though, I know our family has felt so many blessings, both tangible and intangible. It’s painful to surrender complete control, to face fears, and to grieve unmet expectations. But it’s also extremely fulfilling to experience God’s comfort, peace, faithfulness and nearness. Effects from this experience continue to impact and shape us even to this day.
It makes me think of a podcast I was listening to recently, where Bob Goff was being interviewed and discussing being "sad but not stuck". He told a story about when he went white water rafting with his son, on Class Five rapids on the Nile River – adding that there’s no such thing as Class Six rapids. At some point during their adventure, they went over this cliff with water on it and his son fell out! They stayed stuck in an eddy at the bottom of the cliff, and lost his son for an hour. They finally found him hanging from a mangrove vine (in crocodile infested waters) down the river. From that he just shared that what he thinks can happen sometimes, “is that when something goes terribly awry… a relationship, something burns down in your life… that we can just over identify with that. We stay stuck in an eddy of just reflecting on that, and reflecting on that, when I think that God wants us to paddle back into fast moving waters and keep going down the river.” That struck me, because recently I have realized that at times, much of my personal, spiritual growth has been stuck in this eddy of reflection over this very traumatic season in my life. Yes, God was very present, and I grew so much, but the seasons that have followed have been unmistakably marked by that experience, and I can't help but view things through that lens. I have realized that deep down inside, I have feelings of fear and anxiety, that leave me mentally paralyzed. I have some exciting ideas and projects I'd love to pursue, but I just stay stuck. Hearing that illustration put into words the stirring I have been feeling, the voice of my Heavenly Father saying to my heart, "Trust me, I am still here, I know you, I see you, come know me, don't be afraid, take that first step, paddle back into the fast moving waters... with me." I'm hoping this can be encouragement to someone else today, too.
I am truly thankful for Lucie’s story and the ups and downs in her journey so far. It is my joy to get to be a part of it every day. In addition to some pictures from Lucie Day, here’s what else we’ve been up to the last two months; from our 600 square foot home, to Midtown, to the Bronx, to Detroit, to Nashville.
Love, Los Hicksons