Hello all you beautiful people. Given that I have been pretty stable since Tuesday, we were really hopeful that the ultrasound on Friday would give the doctors more reassurance that I could go home. Unfortunately, we were told that I will need to stay in the hospital until I deliver. My Doctor let me know that the thinning around the scar from when I had Lucie was too weak and at risk of rupture, so it needs to be monitored for changes just in case they need to quickly deliver the baby.
There’s no way to know when that is, so we’re taking it in small increments. They are going to monitor the scar twice a week. The weak area is going to keep growing, there’s no way around that, because the baby is going to keep growing. So as long as all of my other symptoms remain calm and stable, they will monitor with the hopes that I can get to 28 weeks, and then monitor with the hopes that I can get to 30 weeks, and so on. If at any point it looks like the scar is too compromised, even if I am not in labor and the baby is not in distress, they will make the decision for me to deliver, because there are far too many greater risks if my uterus were to rupture on it’s own.
With an earlier delivery, we know this means there is a potential NICU stay once the baby is born as well. So with that, we are praying for strength for my body to sustain this pregnancy for as long and safely as is possible. We are prayerful that we will be given the time that will be just right, balancing giving the baby as much time as possible to grow in my womb while not putting my health in danger as well.
Recently, I added a post to Instagram celebrating when I reached the 24 week milestone in this pregnancy, because that was as far along as I was able to get with Lucie before going in to preterm labor. I quoted Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings when he leaves the Shire and then joked that thankfully I wasn’t going to Mordor. I think I spoke too soon. I feel like we’re now on a difficult journey with many unknowns, and looking out too far is daunting and overwhelming.
In one of my blog posts, as I shared some thoughts on experiencing a high risk pregnancy, I wrote:
Every objection we came up with, although quite valid and understandable, didn’t hold enough weight for us to continue to feel like “no” was the answer anymore. It started to feel like, if we closed this door ourselves, we’d be depriving ourselves of something great.
I don’t mean just in depriving ourselves of having another baby.
I mean depriving ourselves of the opportunity to grow deeper in our relationship with God and with each other by stepping out in faith, confidence, and obedience even though it would be hard, and there would be so many unknowns…
After a a stressful few weeks I was able to shift my focus from the unknown to the known… Up to this point, there are no concerns, so instead of spiraling into fears and worries over something that hasn’t happened, I have been focusing on these things that are true, and it has made a world of difference.
Well now, something we didn’t want or expect has happened, but the words above are still true. We still need to hold on to what we do know. We know that none of this catches God by surprise. We know things have stabilized for me and the Baby. We trust that God has once again provided for us to be in the best place possible to stay the course through this difficult time of uncertainty. We know that through God, Rob, Lucie and I will be able to endure in this season and grow closer to Him and each other. We know that we are not alone and have not been forsaken. We know that we have an amazing support system close by and in Florida. This is all incredible, comforting, and assuring.
Here’s another movie reference for you… have you seen Inside Out, where you get a behind the scenes look inside the mind of a young girl as she experiences basic emotions? It’s such a great movie - definite tear jerker though. By the end of the movie she begins to feel more than one emotion at once as life experiences become more complex. That’s about how we’re feeling right now.. The yellow-blue ball, the joy and the sadness all at once.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Love, Los Hicksons